Insecure

It's pretty obvious that I am insecure - in a thousand different ways - about my looks, my abilities and personality. And I spend most of my time concerned about how people see me.

I think, I'm paranoid that people see the same person that I see in the mirror.
That when their looks linger for slightly too long , they see the same things as I do.

They notice that my eyes are too far apart.
That my eyeliner flicks aren't even.
That's my eyebrows aren't very dark ,and don't grow at the end.
That my nose is too big and my lips too thin.
That I've got bags under my eyes from stress and lack of sleep.
That my hair is style-less and an awful colour.

In my head ,people notice EVERYTHING.

Now, realistically, I should know that people have much more important things to be doing then measuring the length of my eyeliner, so why does it all still matter to me so much?

Why do I paint on my makeup EVERYDAY; chose my outfits that will fit in with everyone else, if no one else will notice or care that much?

I don't know.Maybe it is for reasons such as if I don't wear makeup ...people assume that I simply MUST be feeling ill, or have gotten up late.

It's this that allows me to become desperate for the validation from somebody about myself.

I know I need to stop seeking validation from others, accept myself; FUCK SOCIETY,as people say.
Accept that this is me, this is what I look like last thing at night and first thing in the morning.

But,that my eyebags could also represent my dedication and commitment to doing well.
That my eyes ,that are slightly too far apart, allow me to see a thousand beautiful things and read incredible books.
That my thinner lipped mouth allows me to speak to people that I love.
That, my too big feet ,allow me to walk and explore the world by myself.
I should remember these things, but I don't. and I don't think others do either.

So ,I should stop with the comparisons to other people.We all should.

Does it really matter if we aren't the prettiest, smartest, kindest, funniest, most sociable, athletic, and creative person?
Not as much as well all make it seem.

No,I'm not as pretty or as creative ,or funny and kind, or sociable as others, but if you look , there will probably always be somebody 'more' something then you.

I am me ;that's got to be worth something 'more',both to myself and to others. Do we all not deserve more than these self-absorbed insecurities for the rest of our lives?

I know that I have ,and am, a taller 'big' girl ,that I have MASSIVE feet and a blatant lack of fashion sense-as well as all my other 1000 insecurities.
I know that there could always be somebody 'better',but really,what does it matter?

I need to work a lot harder at moving past ALL OF THIS and seeing myself as valuable,simply for being me.
I need to redefine my 'insecurities',with a new perception.

2017 is the year to be finally be me ; to be proud of it.