Endings:

I made the decision to leave my university course – and not being able to change courses so late in the year then meant leaving the university and my flat until next year.
And this was all damn hard .My life has been full of turbulent change since September, and just when I felt settled again I had to rip it all out from under me .
I've been left with debts to pay, had to find a new job, and adjust to being back home. 

But , things could still be worse . I’ve got my health, a supportive family and even more supportive friends. And I don’t regret one second at university – even with all the flat drama and the course- as there’s still so much I’ve learnt these past couple of months. And sometimes in life you’ve got to weigh up what is most important to you.

It was nearly a year ago now that I choose to do this course . It all happened because I was told that I needed to do a degree with an “actual job” at the end of it, not a useless one.I choose a degree that was career orientated .I choose one working with children. I’ve worked with them for 4 years and it’s always been so rewarding.

But it was definitely just a decision to keep people off my back , to by myself more time to consider and get myself the guidance and support that was never given at school.


I knew from about week 3 in university that the course wasn’t right for me . I waited for all of the “new start nerves” to disappear and for my initial anxieties to cease –but still something felt wrong.

I spoke to my mum about it , I spoke to friends , to flatmates , even to my Tutors – and everyone said the same -just try it until the placement. This was in the hopes that the children would remind me why I was here to start with.

So I did this – but I missed the deadline for changing courses and had to defer and re-start next year.  Some people have said I should have followed my gut and left earlier .

Anyway , I have a millions of reasons why I choose to leave Primary ed , one of them being that I like learning and being intellectually challenged. And no matter how selfish it sounds, spending 2 hours trying to teach year 1’s what 1+2= really wasn’t cutting it for me. Neither was making powerpoints on Christianity , or practising making clay pots.

Now that isn’t me saying teaching is easy because it really isn’t – I speak about that later. But I just felt like I was going insane , I wanted a challenge. I’ve spent 4 years busy learning non-stop , and to suddenly not have that anymore made me realise how much I like to be thinking about the philosophical , social and psychological factors in society.

 I spoke to my mentor in my school about all my concerns. She loved her job but she was incredibly realistic about the demands of the career.She said she wished she had more options for her life .She wishes she had a chance to live her life for herself before she started it all. 

Most jobs you get to leave it behind at the door – but she said she never really leaves the workplace unless she is sleeping. She told me she questioned how she was going to keep doing this as she got older as it is completely exhausting.Lots of people don’t realise it – they think you sit and play with children all day .There is constant planning, marking, classroom organising, assessments and teaching to do .
 She hardly had time to eat properly , to exercise , to see friends and family – because the work load is too much .

The children are the most redeemable factor.They can be funny , imaginative , sweet , they can draw you a picture , or make you a card that makes your heart melt. Children tell you how it is, you can be ridiculous around them and they won’t bat an eyelid. And that moment when a child understands something based on what you taught them – that makes it all worth it for people.But it just wasn’t enough for me. 

Teachers deserve better .As do many people in jobs such as the NHS. They deserve better pay, better conditions , and less work load. I will always have endless respect for these people for what they do now.I wonder if other people and understood the responsibilities these people have to undertake –then maybe the service sector world wouldn’t be one so full of stress.