'It's not that I don't want to be happy , it's that , despite my best efforts,I can't bring myself to be happy.'I feel trapped in my mind,embarrassed and ashamed,but why did I have to feel this way?I have a family, friends and good results, therefore I must be okay?Yet all I ever seem to feel is sadness and grey.People will tell me to try sport: go for a walk, listen to meditations.If only this could be solved by some talking therapy and medication.But this is a disease that affects every aspect of my life-my friendships,my family and my education.And it never seems to be solved , so I'm left with frustration.My therapist will say, so why are you sad?Well , if I knew the answer to that ,maybe I wouldn't feel so bad.All I know is I wake everyday feeling like shit,This is my norm now , I've lost my spirit.But, where is the fairness of it all?People tell me you chose how you feel, like I enjoy watching myself fall.Yet, somewhere in my self-loathing I put up a wall,because I don't want others to see this pain or my flaws.I'd really like to believe that I'm not my 'demons in my mind'That I'm more than my 'hurt or my pain', that I feel inside.That I'm stronger then it all , that I can fight.That this is all just 'temporary' ,but it may take some 'time' to feel.
All I've got to do apparently is 'sit tight and heal'.
Today is results day... Today is the day where I discover my long-awaited fate. Am I going to fail and regret every decision I’ve ever made? or am I going to pass , in which case I’m destined to be okay, or at least that’s what people say. That’s on the condition that I go on to do well at the next stage Yet why must my life be a continuous series of tests and games? I’ve been absolutely dreading this day, I can feel my heart beating out of my chest just pleading for this moment to go away. Knowing that people are going to ask me what I’ve got is something I cannot face. The pressure to do well hangs over me like a dead weight. What will people say? What if I’m the only one who fails and everyone else does great? It seems that we’re put under so much pressure at a young age Expected to know what we want to do with our lives, make the right choices, get the best grades. And expected to somehow, come out of it all okay. We’...
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